I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
