did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you had me at cake vodka
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize