I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
