i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
