What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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