I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize