I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
