I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
