why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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