I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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