He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Of course I have a pirate flag
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
