i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think my vagina is haunted
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
