i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I queefed so loud it echoed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
