My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
