how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
