This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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