i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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