And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
