he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
