When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
