i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
