Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
