she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
