Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
