can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize