You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
