Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
