Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
