There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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