I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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