I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
