she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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