I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
