I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
