I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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