please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
