I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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