Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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