hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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