I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
