i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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