When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
