you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
