I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
how drunk are you?
Several
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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