He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
