Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
