oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
