I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
