Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
