So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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