dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
