He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
