Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize