I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
