Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So. Much. Porn.
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