I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
