Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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