I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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