i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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