Barsexuality is the new black.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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