Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize