I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
