I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
