She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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